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Dog Friendly Hotel ?

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Old Keith asked me to draft a letter because he was really browned off with posh jumped-up merchants and Bullingdon Boy-type bullies who irritated him to the core when they visited his Hotel in a leafy region of Falmouth for some Rag stunt or on a Stag weekend.

He showed me a letter from one such creep which asked Keith if it was ‘O.K. if I bring the old mutt, Spike, along too as all the boys like a bit of fun with him. Though I know some down market hotels don’t like mutts?’

The letter from Keith said:

Dear Sir,

By all means bring Spike to us. We will be pleased to see him. We have a high regard for all dogs in this Hotel. Indeed I have never been woken in the middle of the night by a drunken dog that had lost his key and was intent on fighting the Head Chef or one who has puked up all over the new lounge carpet. We have never had any dog steal our towels or go to sleep with a cigarette dangling from their lips so we were forced to call the Fire Brigade when they almost set the place on fire. I have never had a dog that cheated me when it came to paying for his board.

So please send Spike to us and we will give him a moist bone and a very warm welcome.

PS. If Spike will vouch for your conduct then you can come too.

Brought to you by  Noel. C. Sweeney Barrister

‘A dog is for life, not just for  Christmas'